30 & 1
30 & 1
In this last month I have celebrated 2 birthdays; my 30th and the studios first birthday. I can say with an earnest hand on my heart, that so much has happened that I never thought would- and I mean this in the best and worst case scenarios!
I never meant to own a business. I’ve never had the ‘dream’ to be my own boss. I really struggle with money, I hate maths and forms, and ‘legal’s’ and insurance. I just wanted to teach Yoga…I still just want to teach Yoga!
So, I needed a space that wasn’t a cold church hall in order to bring Yoga (in the way I wanted to) and that Hot Yoga could be an option, and I needed a bookkeeper, a website designer, how to learn to use said website, how to market and a ‘‘business plan.’’( I still don’t really have a business plan- the plan is; to ignore the business stuff, pray it takes care of itself, and plug my fingers in my ears when it doesn’t!)
I remember in my Yoga Teacher training a guest teacher coming in to talk about her last 10 years of owning her own Yoga space. I vividly remember laughing when she said, ‘You will see it all!’ As she went on to profess she’s had people show up with their toddler’s to play around the room whilst she took class, and someone come to practise with a broken leg! My jaw dropped.
One year in; I have started ‘seeing it all!’ I’ve had someone arrive in jeans for Yoga, people arrive 20 minutes late for class, people pay and never arrive- 3 times in a row, people come to class and never pay, total beginners come to an intermediate class, people with serious injuries come to class and forget to mention they have serious injuries. Someone agreeing to my term’s and conditions, then deciding they disagreed and threatened legal back-up! I could go on!
I hadn’t expected to make friends here either. That might sound a little odd, but when you are a teacher, you are in a position of authority, and I suppose I hadn’t ever wondered about the blurred line of boundaries. I remember getting an honest email from a yogi about something huge that was happening in her life, and I wrote back this crap excuse of vague ‘this too shall pass.’ Then I sent her another one straight after. The real one- probably the one she needed to hear.
And I’ve had some of you approach me for a coffee date- and it’s been exactly what I needed, too, to connect with other like-minded people. I think The Wellness Project (that finished last month) was a real eye- opener in the sense that people feel closer to everyone in the room, once a small personal share has been established. We are all sitting on so much ‘life’, that never gets to translate to how we actually feel. ‘Act normal, feel normal’ seems to be…well, ‘normal’, when the truth is most of us are holding back stress, or tears, or loneliness. So sometimes I need to take my ‘teacher’ hat off, and let you know that I too have struggled with ‘that’ period in my life.
On a personal note, I also never really thought I’d get married. I just didn’t see the point; you can’t be more committed to someone for the rest of your life than creating children. You can choose to get divorced, and never see each other again, but as some of us know, you can separate from the other parent, but they will always be in your life- forever- as your children will be. I guess with a willingness to share our daughter’s name, and some traditional parents with some persuasive reminders, here we are!
So, as I look back on expectations I may have had after 30 years of living here, I had expected to own a house by now, maybe gone on to complete a Masters degree, finished a marathon (don’t get me started on the amount of marathon training I have done, still with no marathon certificate to show for it!)
But instead here I am, on the other side of the world from family, raising our 2 year old, with a car that is about to die- literally any day now- renting a beautiful block, with a (slightly unexpected) husband, and a business that I didn’t really apply for. I suppose I have released the materialistic ideals that were once possible goals, and rolled with what was actually intended for me. Life is not what you plan it to be, life is what happens. I guess the intrinsic value of each day has become the goal, who knows where another 30 years will lead- I have no plans!
So let us just approach each day as it comes, with some Yoga, some positive intentions and kindness and a willingness to set foot on a path, without knowing an outcome.
Hari Aum Tat Sat